Beowulf

The.......most......awesomely......masculine........movie......EVER

Seriously, this movie is like a two hour ode to the erection. It's what Rob Halford's dreams must be like.

List of antics (spoiler alert!)

1.) Wrestles a man-demon in the nude to make it a "fair fight"

2.) Constantly unhooking and removing clothing to reveal baby smooth chest ( all item's of clothing during this time in history apparently unhooked simply and dramatically from shoulder clasps. The perfect mechanism to go from zero to nude in seconds)

3. If you replaced demon blood with semen, this would be the godfather of gay porn.

4. self references after any accomplishment. Rip off an arm "I AM BEOWULF!!", jump through a sea creature's eye "I AM BEOWULF!!!!!" seriously, I'm going to start doing this all the time.

5. When not killing things or talking about killing things, Beowulf carries on numerous extra-marital affairs with both teenagers and demons (played by an eight-foot Angelina Jolie) I'm not sure which is more disturbing.

thanks to Zach and Chelsea for the best plan-B ever